Much of the conflict we experience in our lives stems from our belief that our subjective stories, interpretations or judgments of “reality” are immutable truths.
Have you ever been mesmerised by the multiple images of a kaleidoscope? Or had your attention captured by the many facets of a beautifully cut crystal? Perhaps this fascination comes from the realisation, on some level, that what at first seems to be a distortion of reality, can in fact be a truer reflection of it.
“Reality” can be seen from as many different perspectives as the kaleidoscope’s images. Much of the conflict we experience in our lives stems from our belief that our subjective stories, interpretations or judgments of “reality” are immutable truths. One relatively simple way to reduce the conflicts in our lives is to step back in any given situation and ask ourselves what really happened.
What are the objective facts, apart from our judgments and interpretations? Like opening a Russian matrushka (box), which reveals a seemingly endless stream of smaller boxes, or peeling an onion, we need to peel down to the core, to the actual event stripped of our subjective story about it for a detached view of an event tells a much simpler story than the overlay of our judgments does. As far as the world is concerned, a blizzard is just a blizzard. To a diehard powder hound it’s heaven; to a fair weather skier who has to shovel the walk it’s less than ideal. Meaning comes from our judgments and beliefs, or the stories we tell ourselves about our experience. These in turn determine our reactions. It’s often difficult to differentiate between the “facts” and our overlay. Here are a few examples. You’re calmly swimming in the ocean when suddenly you see a large form moving toward you. What’s your first reaction? If you think it’s a shark, you’ll most likely panic. If on the other hand, you think it’s a dolphin, you may be elated at the opportunity to swim alongside it. It is critically important to understand the essence of that form coming at you, so you can act appropriately, rather than react instinctively based on misinformation or misjudgments.
there is a wonderful story of a grandfather who takes his twin grandsons to a stable. They walk into a stall filled with manure. The first boy is repulsed, wanting only to get away from the sight and smell of the fresh manure. The second boy begins dancing around happily. When his grandfather asks him why he seems so happy, his response is “ With all this manure, there must be a pony around somewhere.” Our lives would be much simpler if in the midst of our “manure” we were able to look for the pony.
In a similar vein, we often make assumptions that we fail to check out, and which, quite often, turn out to be wrong. As Alice said, “Things aren’t always what they seem”. A whale is not a fish. A peanut is not a nut. And a tomato is not a vegetable. Your thoughts create your reality. It’s a good habit to stand back from a situation and ask yourself, “What if my assumptions are wrong?” Few of us are able to look at things objectively in the midst of an emotionally charged conflict situation, but it’s a goal to strive for. By peeling things back to a reality stripped of judgments and stories we allow ourselves the freedom in each moment to consciously choose how we both act and react. The goal is to be the driver of our actions, not the passenger.
When a conflict arises, ask yourself what actually happened. Strip away your judgments and interpretations. Pretend you’re a director trying out different ways to present the same story. Try telling it from a different perspective – anger, blame, indifference or maybe just humour.You may find you see things in a very different light.
says Sharon shuteran
Tag:[tag] reality, truth, conflicts, interpretations, opportunity, action.[/tag]
