What does a woman want? This is a question that perennially tortures a man. He asks himself; he asks other men, he asks God — and yet there’s no answer. Recently, when a group of young bureaucrats got together, the men wondered yet again and a discussion ensued. After the usual bawdy comments and ribbing, they became serious and then turned to women colleagues to figure out an answer, if there was one.
Some high-itched squabbling later, what came through loud and clear was that what women most desire is love and attention. As one lady bureaucrat put it succinctly to the group, “What a woman wants is — a touch, a look and a word. That translates to — affection, attention and communication…”
Another elected for “exclusive care, attention and the feeling of being desired.” As I kept asking women, it was clear a woman does need to be told again and again that she is desirable and desired — and that she’s the only one! It was almost like they had been waiting to be asked. And, once the floodgates were open, there was no stopping the flow.
Consider this from a colleague, “I expect my partner to make allowances for my moods and forms of madness. To know that nagging is an expression of love, to recognise that the little girl inside me needs occasional expression; to never take me for granted… and even if he is interested academically in other women, to know I’m the only one for him!”
Most women acknowledged that even when they are mad with their partner, all it takes is a touch, an apologetic smile and a teasing word to set things right again! It does all seem to boil down to affection, attention and communication! If that’s all a woman desires, we are truly dealing with just the realm of emotions. And indeed women, unlike men, are emotional creatures. They were meant to be so, we are told, because going back in time, she was the nurturer and protector of her family while the man was away hunting. She could never be sure he would come back to her safe and sound. So she socialised and formed connects and bonds to ensure support.
And that’s perhaps the reason women seek reassurances all the time. The reason a woman keeps asking, “Do you love me?” Think back… we would do it as kids, when we asked parents, siblings and best friends how much they loved us. Am I your best friend? You are mine — and the degree of satisfaction once answered in affirmative… You never found a boy asking those questions, did you? Well, not much has changed today. It’s just that grown women don’t ask parents, siblings, friends anymore. They ask a lover or a husband…
And it’s not because they trust him any less or are insecure. It’s just that they enjoy the emotional connect with him far more. Whereas a man may think his physical presence is good enough, it’s not so for a woman; she craves an emotional connect.
And one of the fastest ways to get a man emotionally charged is to get him to say, “I love you.” It is one of the few times a man lets down his guard and gets his vulnerable, slightly silly expression, which alone indicates to a woman how she affects him. And as we know, a woman is most affected by a man who acknowledges how she affects him…
And so, if a look, a touch and a word is all it takes — is it such a great mystery and such an impossibility to achieve, guys? What’s it that you don’t understand?
says vinita.nangia